Baby Benjamin

I'm not Pregnant anymore!!! oh happy day.

baby benjamin david demke was born on saturday, october 23, 2010 at 1:32 in the MORNING.

he's a little guy...7lbs 2 oz. 20inches long, to be exact. he decided to come one week early.. much to my delight.

after a day of irregular contractions (some long, some short, some close together, some far apart, some painful, some not) we went to hospital. got checked. was 5 cm, but not having regular contractions, so they sent me home around 6:30 - to get some rest. around 8:30, contractions were getting stronger, and painful, but still not close together. went to bed to try and get some sleep. couldn't sleep through the pain. Decided to go back to hospital around 11:30 at night.

- Arrived at hospital around 12am.

- admitted in 1st room to get checked around 12:15 was at 8cm.

- 12:30 - walked to delivery room...asked nurse if i could use bathroom because i felt like i "had to go"---she said "no, that is your baby's head!"

- doctor came in around 12:45. so did my mom and aunt dawn.

- doctor delivered the "bad news"...i could NOT have an epidural.

I broke down. hysterical. bawling. annoyed, tired, SO uncomfortable, and unprepared.

- dr had me lay on back. told me baby is "READY." Eventhough I was NOT READY.

- baby's heart rate was still slow, so she did one final attempt to "fix" it by trying to get the baby in the "best" position by putting her fingers "up there" and literally turned the babies head...during a contraction. oh. my. goodness....OUCH!

that was the absolute worse part of the whole thing.

then came the pushing. it went something like this:

- "PUSH! (me bawling - I just absolutely could not stop crying once I started, no matter how hard i tried).

- 2nd "PUSH"!: it felt so UNnatural - how ironic natural childbirth feels unnatural to me. Like my pelvic

bone was going to snap in half if i pushed any harder. i cried, "I Can't do it." My very boisterous, yet sweet doctor shouted "YES YOU CAN, BREATH and...

- "PUSH!!!" #3 : this was it. the dreaded "ring of fire".

I knew she wasn't going to take "no" for an answer, so I gave it EVERYTHING I had. Still bawling, and not breathing...dr said "BREATH. stop crying - you're going to hyperventalate. BREATH! and...

- "PUSH!!!" #4 immediately followed #3 and out came baby ben!

I couldn't believe his head was so small. he was small. He FELT HUGE when he was coming out...let me tell you. i was sure he was a 13 pounder. when I saw how tiny his head was, it really made me feel like a wimp.

after 45 minutes of hard, labor. my 2nd baby boy was born. and I am in love all over again.

15 minutes after he was born, the anesthesiologist came in to give the epidural. gee thanks.

In case you are wondering whether I have converted to the whole "natural birth" thing, I HAVE NOT.

i already cannot remember exactly how awful it felt, but i do remember telling andy that we will not be having anymore kids immediately after delivery...and again the next day. it was that bad.

the thought of having another baby come as quickly as this, makes me nervous to have another one. I was lucky - Ben was on the small side, i can't imagine what having another big baby would feel like.

This was QUICK, and i felt WAY better during the hours/days after delivery, which are some of the benefits of not having pain medication. that was nice. But, since this was my 2nd delivery, I'm not fully convinced that the quick recovery was from not having an epidural or if it was because 2nd deliveries are generally just easier all around (less stitches, no epis). i guess i'll never know.

What I DO know is if I have another baby, it will be with an epidural. I will do whatever it takes to get one on time. I'd rather have take 3+ hours of feeling next to nothing over 45 minutes of extreme pain. but that's just me.

It's not just the horrible pain that i didn't like. To me, this was the most UN-NATURAL feeling I have ever had. I felt like I had no control of my body. I could feel my bones moving. Having an uncontrollable urge to push, when you can feel your skin tearing is an awful, unnatural feeling too. it's just not for me.

I also didn't like how the entire delivery was a blur. it didn't even seem real.

I can remember almost EVERYTHING about Cohen's delivery...it was kind of fun. there was the annoying nurse who kept telling "her" birth story, my family was there, i was smiling, and relaxed. When they put him on my chest i was in love. instantly.

Ben's delivery was nothing like that. I was crying, irritable, exhausted, and when they put the baby on my chest, I was relieved more than anything. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Ben too, but it was just such a stressful, emotional delivery, that all i could think when he came out was "whew, I'm glad that is over with." -- If you are thinking this sounds like PPD, let me tell you, it's NOT.-- During the time when the nurses whisked him away to do all of their nurse duties is when it all slowly started to sink in... I JUST HAD A BABY. It took about 10 minutes for it to "feel real" to me. When the nurses brought him back to me the 2nd time, it had fully registered, and i finally fell in love with my baby boy.

Overall, it was a good experience. in a way, i'm kinda glad i didn't get an epidural, so the next time someone tries to convince me to go "all-natural" i can at least say i've done it, and i dont like it.
that'll shut 'em up.

the end result is all that really matters... my healthy baby boy is here!.

2 down. one more to go. (yes, we hope to have one more).